Friends. Followers. Rebloggers. The enemy is amongst us.
They have learnt our ways. Not all of them thankfully - not yet. For the moment they capable of, at best, crude simulations of our thoughts, of our siguls, of our signs. But know, friends, that they are capable of learning, and that they are doing everything they can to infiltrate our inner circle.
Where we go from here is important. Dogs have been posted at the bunker entrances. Anyone with more than 200 followers will be armed. Everyone’s cookies are being monitored.
This is a crude solution, I know, but be aware that we are developing more advanced methods of technology to distinguish friend from foe. I won’t go into more detail here because, as it’s becoming more and more clear, we cannot afford to underestimate the enemy. They are already here. Who amongst us truly knows friend from foe, twitter follower from social-media guru, ardent niche tumblog from secretly dedicated astroturfer?
No-one, my friends. No-one knows who will try to sell you things next.
Thank you for your time today. I know this is not good news and that you are afraid. This is good. Be afraid, friends. There is a lot to fear. Especially from Social Media Experts. Go back to your caves, clutch your followers close, and post pictures of kittens. We must continue. We must keep reblogging. We cannot afford to lose that. We cannot afford to lose our humanity.
But before that, while I have you all here, I’d like to share with you some of my thoughts on Nike’s newest range of Athletic Shoes™…
And speaking of trademarking, I tell myself that I must copyright “Zernerder” because, as pathetic as this statement is about to become… that’s the most play I ever got in this berg: 77 notes. But who has the time? And someone else will beat me to planning the requisite Zernerder rollerskating theme nights, reinvigorating the sport for a new generation. It’s exhausting thinking about all of the money we’re just handing them.